It's a sad day in the WhoDat Nation....

By now we all should have been informed or saw on the news that one of the pillars of our championship Saints team was shot and killed in New Orleans. Will Smith has garnered a few mentions in previous posts. And admittedly the one draft of a post from the 15 season would have been the last written during his lifetime.  Two under two-three will do that to you sometimes.  Aka all the damn time  always. But enough with the pleasantries. 

What happened to Will Smith is fucked up. It shouldn't have happened. His fucking wife got shot too!! they have three kids. This was over a fender bender and now someone is dead. What the fuck New Orleans? This isn't a gun control rant or whatever. This is about people needing to stop being such assholes 🖕🏻🤔

We are better than this. As people, as fans, and ESPECIALLY as those who know what it means. 

RIP Will Smith. Thank you for your part in bringing the hope have to the city. 

Here's a link to the sad freaking story:

http://dailysnark.com/long-time-saints-super-bowl-champion-shot-death/

So we meet again San Fran......A spin on "Would You Rather...?"

I've been told a thing or two about not being able to be a slave to two masters but since the birth of my daughter I've found myself answering to two bosses.  Adorable bosses, but tyrants nonetheless. 

We're on the precipice of a home game against San Fran, both teams having starkly different records than we A.) had last time we met, and B.) expected to have this season.  I have several short "Would You Rather"s that I would like to make about this match up.

1.) Who would you rather have as your quarterback?

A grumpy octopus cartoon who lives in the sea...

Potentially a QB who moonlights as a muppet....

 

OR....

Hey Buddy Breesus?





2.) San Fran's version of a 'parade':
 49'ers Parade of Legal Problems

OR

New Orleans' version of a 'parade':

 

 

 



3.) Earthquakes that arrive unannounced, potentially in the middle of the night or during some crucial unexpected moment either way you're going to be surprised by the ground shaking under your feet and stuff is getting broken faster than plates at a Greek wedding.

OR

A hurricane, which in minor to moderate cases is known well in advance and planned as an occasion to party at home with your friends and in severe cases still known in advance and allows for preparation to bounce out of the city for awhile.

4.) The freakin' irrational hilly streets in San Fran

OR

The freakin' irrationally drunk French Quarter Streets in New Orleans



All of this being said, the Saints have a good game ahead of them and we need our defense to show up.  Gore is still a weapon at the 9'ers disposal and he can do some damage.  Galdalf needs to get his stuff together, put down the po boy for just a MINUTE and get his head in the game.  If he doesn't I'm pretty sure the next half time entertainment show is going to be Sean Payton & Micky Loomis vs. Gandalf in the octagon.  Hopefully Hot Damn Jimmy Graham can take it somewhat easy in this game and not risk further injury to that shoulder.  Here's to hopefully winning and getting our winning record back and maintaining first in the NFC South (which obvs is a complete shitshow this year....Breesus Christ....).

Anyways, Bless you boys and GEAUX SAINTS!

I wouldn't worry about hiding the kids in the city of New Orleans...

.....because I've seen some of them and they look like they can fight. 

All of the hullabaloo about people being surprised that NFL players have behavior management issues aside, the Vikings star player is out for this game while he gets his legal woes under control.  I'm sure these instances of domestic violence and child abuse call for a greater discussion about things we should have been doing all along, our shock and surprise at the vastness of the issue, and of course, Roger Goodell's perfected "do as I say not as I do" approach to solving NFL public relations shtstorms.  But its a time to discuss football.

(PS, Saints fans with a memory are simply doing the long blink at Goodell after all this "I didn't know" crap because of his exact line to Sean Payton, "If you didn't know, you should have known".  Bet you didn't see that one coming back to bite you in the ass...)


I feel like everyone feels uncomfortable making jokes about the Vikings right now because of what's going on.  I also think that people are hiding behind the previous statement because they can't remember anyone else on the Vikings team.  Sentence #2 is applicable to me.  I cannot recall without the help of google who is on that team.  I know it doesn't feel like any sort of rematch like it did in years past though.  I understand that we're 0-2 right now, and yes its upsetting but I feel like if the Saints win this game everyone's just going to be like well duh they didn't have AP playing or well its about time. 

One thing I can say about the Saints is that Gandalf better get his shit together and lead our defense.  I don't know if some (insert Lord of the Rings reference here) is preventing you from executing your wizardry powers, but get on the damn ball man.  It was nice enough that Payton bought a crap load of that guys jerseys to help his daughter.  Its those things that remind me why I'm a Saints fan.  There was no PR that needed to be done on the Saints behalf, there was no public to-do about it, it was just done.  I appreciate stuff like that.  But after that we didn't need to let them walk down the freaking field and win the game!   Breesus Christ!

I don't know why we ever let Sproles go.  He's been kicking ass and taking names on my fantasy team.  Still disappointed about that....Hopefully the usual suspects can get their act together for the home opener and the home crowd will give the team the boost they need.  If I get a chance later when the dictator is awake, I'll take a picture of him in his new Brees jersey - bless you boys, welcome back to the Dome, and GEAUX SAINTS!

Cleveland Browns: A "professional" American Football Franchise

First of all the Browns mascot is freaking frightening.  As someone who has an unnaturally elevated concern regarding elves of any kind, the Cleveland Brown as I am assuming it's call sign is looks quite suspect.  Take a look for yourself:

See what I mean?  In pure Creep-tastic Chucky-Doll-like fashion this thing's name -  I shit you not -  is Chomps.  I can't even think about what chomping, elves, and the color brown have to do with each other enough to necessitate and explain a mascot. 

In other news, it's important to first note that despite drafting someone who is okay with the name "Johnny Football", the Browns have been known to pull a few surprises with the Saints in the past few years.  I think its because they have the same natural reaction that anyone does regarding the Cleveland Browns, that being, "Oh ok, should be an easy 60 minutes".  And sometimes as we find out, people are wrong.  They can win games.  Against good teams.  So its best not to underestimate their elven-like ways and go in knowing the enemy.  The short, creepy, oddly named, pointy-shoed enemy....

Speaking of odd names, a roster review would produce a player who's first name is Barkevious.  A Louisiana gentleman (explains the name) graduated from LSU and seems to be the only Barkevious google-able (at least for the first half page I scrolled down).  He looks pretty diesel so I'm guessing we'll be seeing this guy make some plays.  I look forward to hearing the announcers attempt to pronounce his name.  Buuut I also look forward to Ingram and Colston getting past him so easily they could swear he prepped for a KY wrestling match and not an NFL football game.  Josh Gordon won't be an issue since he got suspended by the Commish for 10 games regarding some drug use something or other.  Shoulda just hit his girlfriend......He'd have been back in time for the game assuming that there wasn't video of it obtained by TMZ!  Like I wish the Saints could have used the same excuse Goodell is using now which is basically the equivalent of the Clinton Defense of, "Evidence?  I....I didn't know that existed, but now that I know that it does, my lack of knowledge of such evidence equates to be basically not knowing about this situation at all so..... here we are, lets move on and act like this never happened, I did the right thing eventually which should mean that I did the right thing in the first place, k thxbye, go America".

The QB sitch is a dude named Hoyer from Michigan State, no idea who he is.  Second runner up is Manziel which according to Shenanihanigan Junior will only play if Hoyer gets injured.  So that's the Browns. 

Aaaand on to the Saints -

Our depth chart is freaking bonkers.  For our running backs, we've got 4 deep - third in line is PT.  THIRD.   If the amazeballs-ness of PT is what we consider third best, holy shit. I have a love/hate/love relationship in my head with Ingram.  He's worth his weight and salary, but when he screws up, he screws up. He's the guy that you don't ever count on to make a long run, but in those 3 and shorts or god forbid 4th and shorts, he's your man.  He's the Sherman Tank of running backs whereas Robinson is our Maserati.  PT should be equated to our BMW 3 series - tried and true, but doesn't do well in certain conditions and can really mess up your life if you're depending on it as your sole source of getting from point A to point B.  Cadet is the Kawasaki Ninja motorcycle that you take out once in awhile and look super cool but have to be careful about overuse. 

Colston, Toon, and Cooks are my fave wide recievers going on right now because they get shit done.  That and the names Toon and Cooks are just kinda cool.  These three guys are the football equivalent of Navy Seals crossing enemy lines and face-palming the defensive forces while they go America (Saints) all over everybody.

Drew Breesus (featured below) doing some sort of blessing/miracle-ing...

 

 



I have the faith that Breesus will find his receivers and running backs like inmates find Jesus in prison (it seems like they just always do).  I also trust that as sure as my son is adorable (and that's pretty f-ing sure take a freakin' look):

 that the Saints defense, led by Gandalf himself will stop any attempts by the Browns to make too many if any scores. All this being said, the dictator featured above is due to wake any moment now and I must make haste and by haste I mean his lunch before I have the baby version of a Chernobyl meltdown on my hands. 

Geaux Saints and bless you boys - PS.  It's been awhile, but I almost got in an serious argument with someone (the person's relationship to me may or may not rhyme with "Shmee-on-say") about the Saints being/meaning more than just football.  The discussion ended well, so I can say that it was refreshing to know that I still feel the same way about the Saints.  Had it not, due to pregnancy hormones, its possible I could have written this while finding Jesus....

Its Gah-hay-hay-hay-hay-hay-hay-haymmmmmeeeee Daaaaaaaaaayyyy

(To be sung to the tune of the hallelujah in every thank-god moment you've ever had)

Lets just all take a moment and be happy about this.  Welcome your kids to another or their first NFL Saints football season.  Renew your hatred or love for your spouse/partner depending on your team affiliations, and block all of the people you are friends with on Facebook that somehow became Seahawks fans over the past two years.

So as per usual we're playing the Falcons for our season opener.  This year its Atlanta's home field which I'm assuming they re-did because of all the bad juju the previous stadium had.  I'm additionally sure that they'll find a way to blame it on New Orleans for standing on their bird and taking a picture center field.  Another thing I'd be sure about is that Roger Goodell would find a way to fine us for it.  And maybe suspend some players. 

Anyway, lets talk about our peoples.  Drew - I had the privilege of seeing you at training camp this year, and I like what you're putting down.  Get out there, kick some ass, and show my son how football is played.

Hot Damn Jimmy Graham looked fierce at training camp and I admire his cajones to proceed to dunk the ball over the goal posts despite incurring the fine.  As Peyton Manning said when he incurred the fine for smacktalkery earlier in the pre-season, "It was money well spent".  I personally don't see why this is a fine and just consider it another way that Rog' is penalizing the Saints while fleecing them via the NFL.  (Remember when they tried to trademark who dat?) Back to Jim - whatever position you feel the need to title yourself with, go for it, you're amazing at it.  Make sure you face-palm Vilma (if he isn't injured, that is) for leaving and going to the dark side. 

For our offense in general - I think we're going to be surprised in this game and I am interested to see who's going to make a name for themselves this afternoon.  After what I will go forth calling, "The Meachem Curfuffle" I'm sure no one feels too secure in their jobs and will be playing to the highest caliber.  Seriously though Saints - I'm 35.5 weeks pregnant and I don't need to be scared like that.  I don't think the Saints are hurting for fans enough to induce labor to garner yet another fan.  But I'm fairly certain that could have happened. 

To our defense and Wizard Leader - if Vilma is playing, you know what to do.  That's all I'm going to say to you. 

In an attempt to expend some energy from myself and my son before the game, we're taking him to the Air and Space Museum to look at airplanes.  This kid will not say mama, mom, or ma, but can articulate Oskar and Airplane relatively well for a one year old.  I'm not sure whether I should be insulted or impressed.  Either way, I hope that when we get back he'll be too tired to care that I'm yelling at the television, which we learned during the world cup scares the crap out of him. 

Bless you boys and GEAUX SAINTS YAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY GAME DAY EVERYONE!

And it is again yet upon us.....

Oh thank Jesus, here we are on the precipice of the pre-season.  During this past off season, I've learned a few things.  Let me share:

1.) The World Cup is an annoying time for fans of professional American football because football is football and soccer is soccer.  If you want to call soccer football, do it somewhere else.  That'd be like speaking French expecting us all to understand because originally, a lot of English words came from French.  Well that's all well and good but water is not called Eau, and soccer is not called football.  This should not be complicated. 

2.) As an additional point about the World Cup, its basically a time for the countries of the world to get together and act like Americans do almost every day.  I've observed that most Americans are pretty proud of our country despite its errors and mistakes.  And that pride is frequently on display in a flashy and un-ignorable fashion.  The WC is a time when all other countries just act like that too.  So in essence, Americans walk around like its the WC all the time.  I can see why this confuses and upsets other countries.  Don't plan on changing, but I have a new understanding of this now. 

3.) My son is probably the coolest person on this entire planet.

4.) My son also is not a fan at this time of abrupt yelling and screaming at the TV.  We're going to have to slowly introduce him to this. 

5.) My daughter is due when the Saints have a bye week so I should be able to get back in fighting shape by the Lions game on Oct. 19th.

6.) Patience and rational behaviors are not something that I will be accused of having en masse.  Ever. 

7.) There's always a way to keep up with football news during the off season.  It can be a bit dry at times, but with the trades and camps and all that jazz going on, you don't have to resign yourself to watching baseball if you don't want to and simply cant get into a game that doesn't have a clock.

That's about it for now.  We're starting off this preseason with the St. Louis Rams so that'll be an interesting scrimmage.  Here's to wishing no injuries on either team. 

PS - can we talk a minute about the Sports Illustrated edition that came out most recently with one of the Eagles on the cover?  So my boyfriend was excited because it was the Eagles, and when he was done with it he throws it down on the counter and he was like, "You know, you'd think that with McCoy on the cover there'd be like a good sized article in here about him.  Nope.  2 pages.  Maybe.  However, there is 6 page expose on Jimmy Graham".  I looked, and it was true.  It was basically an article about how awesome hot damn Jimmy Graham is and how its a competition with himself to see what position he's more awesome at and if he can out-awesome his awesomeness with even more awesome.  God bless the Saints.  For the first time this season, Bless you Boys and Geaux Saints!

Well this is awkward....

ahahaha...I can't get enough of this picture

Here we are again, in Seattle.  Just far enough away from Wine Country to not be drunk and just far enough away from British Columbia to not be....in Canada...(side eye glance)

So now that Seattle's one trick pony of sound assault has been all over Sports Center, you'd better believe teams are studying on how to get around it.  And the Saints have had their best scientists in the lab (aka Sean Payton and Gandalf [Rex Ryan] in the Dome) working on a remedy.  My friend Lindz who's amazing tolerance for bafoonery and alcohol alike still earns my respect and admiration to this day shared with me this link between a likely true situation that happened during the Saints training last week: Saints Training Conversation overheard

Side note: I think its borderline cheating that the Seahawks have a deaf player.  Their whole schtick is loudness, so what do they do?  They get the equivalent of a super player, a guy who's talented and immune to the detriment of the environment.  I was just watching Bourne Legacy last night and I swear to g-d this is the same damn thing.  That's basically the equivalent of the Saints getting a professionally physically fit functional alcoholic as a pass rusher.  Or the Patriots obtaining a real life Frost Giant a la the Thor/Avengers movies.

And another point, if the freaking Cardinals can do it - so can we.  You better believe Sean Payton will not stand for such a kick in the pants again, not from someone wearing day-glow green.  The Seahawks have been a good team this year, that's why they got the #1 seed.  But the Saints are in the business of kicking ass and taking names to precedents this season, so here we are, another game day.

The dictator woke up half way through this posting, and he's been adorably coo-ing in his swing chair watching Dogs 101.  I can't wait until he speaks English and we can talk sports-smack together. 

When comparing the statistics between the QBs, leading rushers and receiving, Saints have them beat on QB (obvs) and receiving yards.  Rushing goes to Seattle's Marshawn Lynch and that's no surprise there, but whatever, I'm sure Gandalf has been figuring out his kryptonite ever since their last meeting. 

I've heard that in order to commemorate this meeting between the Saints and the Seahawks, the Rum Distillery in New Orleans is coming out with a special edition of Seattle Rum.  It takes like bird shit, disappointment, and tears.  Because even if we don't leave the city victorious, at least we get to leave Seattle.

Drew Brees (praise Breesus) is going to do to Russ what he did to Nick last week.  Both good guys and good QB's but Drew is better.  He may throw to the other team once or twice, but he's still better.  That's gotta be mind boggling to the opposition.  Its like, here I'm going to throw to your team and we're still going to win.  We just don't want to win by that much and hear that shit about running up the score again because that was really annoying. 

It looks like PT is going to be out again today and while we will miss him, Mark-y Mark and his funky bunch of running backs (Sproles, Cadet & Robinson) will be taking the ground game while Colston, Toon, Meachem, and Moore take it to the air. 

And then there's g-d Damn Jimmy Graham.  That tall SOB can be whatever Brees needs him to be.  I bet he's probably the best wing man ever...

The dictator is becoming weary of my divided attention so I must go - and again, if this is the last time I say it this season - Geaux Saints and BLESS YOU BOYS!!

Yay Geaux Saints!