Shut up, San Francisco.

We've got a Monday Night Football game to talk about this morning (for another 13 minutes by the start of this post).  Its RGIII vs Colin Kaepernick.  (I think that's how you spell it), and some receivers and runners.  I've started to notice that every time someone mentions SF in any context, I immediately and involuntarily roll my eyes to some degree.  And I feel that its justified for many reasons, despite everyone else I know having such a hard on for the City by the Bay.

SF is really kind of all over the map this season.  They've had some good wins, and some ugly losses.  One of those losses was to my lovely Saints (Geaux Saints!).  I think popular opinion has SF taking this game, and probably rightfully so.  However, the Redskins are a team that is amazing at letting you think you can predict an outcome to an almost 100% degree level of certainty and yank it away from you.  And just when you think, "There is no possible way they can lose this game", they will find a way.  THEY WILL FIND IT.  I feel like the Skins should change their anthem from the Hail to the Redskins to the "I need a hero" song.  Its apropos right now.  Skins fans are some of the most die-hard fans I've ever met, despite Dan Snyder giving them every reason to jump ship he could possibly think of - including trying to charge extra to tail gate (he's going to football hell for that one).  So hopefully the Skins can pull of a W in prime time and give the fans just a little glimmer of hope. 

I swore to god I would never step foot in the city of San Francisco.  Unfortunately I went like three years ago.  It was July.  And it was cold.  It could have been super-awesome-city-fun-time-forever and the fact that it was cold in July just made me even more pissed off.  And the aggressive homeless and/or hipsters...wow.  Anyway, their QB's trademark is kissing his biceps.  If that doesn't win you "Biggest Douche in the Universe" Award then frankly I don't know what will.  And lets talk about their coach trying to challenge like he's Sean Payton.  Negatron my good man, negatron.  I could almost FEEL the tantrum waves coming through the TV when you lost your second challenge.  It. Felt. Wonderful. 

Heads up - Saints game this Sunday got flexed to Prime Time at 8:30 EST (yay!).  Carolina is apparently an alright team and so Rog' decided he wanted to make some money off them and so on and so forth.  Cam - meet me at Camera 3.

Really dude?  That guy barely even touched you and you flew like

you were on a SouthWest flight.  Uncool.  Leave that shit for FIFA, man. 

What's next?  You going to bring your vuvuzela?

 Try that shit with the Saints and see what happens. 

Plus, now that every ref has seen you make an ass out of them

and then SMILE about it like you got away with something?

 - our defense is going to punch you in the face

and guess who "didn't see it"?

 

 



Throwback Thursday....

You again, ey Atlanta?


A few things need to be covered before I dive into the cur-fuckery that is this NFC South match-up. I think its no secret that I love the NFL, specifically the New Orleans Saints. One would think that this love would translate into wanting to see the team I love play as often as possible. I'm beginning to sour on these Thursday night games for several reasons. One, because theyre not available to everyone. You have to have the NFL network I think. That's kind of not cool and basically imposing a psuedo-crueler-than-usual-bye-week on their fans if they can't afford or otherwise object to cable. Two, a Sunday to Thursday is not enough time to rest between games. I just don't think it is. Now if two teams are coming off a bye week, sure have the game on a Thursday. But don't make a team that just played a shit-kicker of a game on Sunday go at it again on Thursday, its just not right in my mind.

Alright I'll step down from the soap box.
(Although it is a nice view for a short person like me up there....)

A few years back I wrote a list of ten reasons why I hate Atlanta. All of those reasons are still true. I'd like to add a few more.
1.) Its the genesis setting of "The Walking Dead" that my boyfriend loooooooooves to watch. I like the story line they have going, but the whole apocolypse thing freaks me out and frankly its just too gory and graphic. 2.) Anyone who's ever starred in the show, "The Real Housewives of Atlanta". I just don't get it.
3.) You think a new stadium is going to do something for you? Good luck with that.
4.) I don't have a fourth right now but god-dammit I HATE ATLANTA!
Actually know you what? I do. They're ok with calling themselves "Dirty birds". Thats disgusting. End of story.

And now on to my heavenly Saints......
Hot-Damn Jimmy Graham has done more in my fantasies I mean fantasy football games than predicted and I thank him for that. He's been an excellent go to for Drew Brees (praise Breesus). I have a friend named Rachael who is basically the Jimmy Graham to my Drew Brees (praise). She's the tall person of the relationship that kicks ass, takes names, and gets shit done that I can't (like reach for things on high shelves, push people I don't like, etc. and in Jim's case, make TD's) Sprolios is injured (graphic injury last week) which makes me sad, but I'd rather him take a TO and get well for the playoffs. And Im fairly certain we'll get there because we've got the NFC South on lock as sure as Atlanta has, "Shittiest Team in the Universe Award" 36 years and running. Stills, listen, whatever you're doing - keep doing it. I like it. I'm impressed by it. Even if the Falcon's D line was talkin a bunch of smack about your mother. I highly doubt she did that.

Drew (praise Breesus) - Dude is your neck okay????? I love how everyone was like, "oh well it was just high up on the chest it wasnt an illegal hit". I saw the pictures. It was illegal. That guy almost made space for another vertebrae in your neck. Using the, "it was just high up on the chest" defense would be like kicking a dude in the balls and being like, "No it was just really high up and in the center of the legs". No. Shit. Sherlock.

Coach Payton - you're the boss dog. I feel like if you got a tall staff and raised your arms thunder and lightening would occur in the stadium and the sea of fans would part. Keep using your wizard Gandalf to create magic over there.

Speaking of Gandalf.....all I want for christmas is a pan shot to Rob Ryan after a huge defensive stop screaming, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!!!" Its all I want. Someone please make that happen.

That being said, I'd just like to take a small moment here and reflect on how much I love the Saints and how awesome they are to the city of New Orleans, and how much I miss New Orleans. Bless you boys and GEAUX SAINTS!!!!

Sam(my) and the Jets

A few things first:
1.) If this post abruptly ends, Sam woke up. 
2.) His nickname is Sam, not Sammy.  The title is merely appropriate for the allusion to Benny and the Jets. 


So this week against the Saints we are looking at the Jets.  They're not a real notable team considering they employed Mark Sanchez for the longest time and any team with a QB that has a last name that involves a nasty sexual encounter is not set for success.  Like you wouldn't respect a team that had a QB named Jake Steamer or something like that, you know?

An interesting factoid about this match up is that its Gandalf v. Jarred (Rob v Rex).  The meaning behind Gandalf is obvious once you see Rob's glorious mane (image may be copyrighted?)
 (You couldn't fake a better picture than this to help make the point)

and Jarred is related to Rex's new dietary ventures (Side note: Totally admirable, I wish the guy all the success in the world because its about his health first and foremost). 



(God-Damn) Jimmy Graham is at it again, catching touchdown passes that were lodged from the freaking locker room (praise Breesus).   Hartley, you have ONE JOB.  I'll admit a 43 yarder isn't easy in cold weather, but get it together bro-sef.  I started Stills this week on my fantasy team and he is not disappointing me.  I hope he has a showing like last week when he started on the left bench of my team and got 20something odd points.  Sprolio-skies needs a long run under his belt because he's starting to remind me (Im so sorry, Darren) of Mark Ingraham.  I'd like to see some more work from PT as well. 

The Jets drafted Geno Smith as basically an F you to Sanchez.  Im not sure why they wouldn't just say F you, because watching the Hard Knocks special about the Jets would have you thinking that was their mode d'emploi.  From the last stats I checked, he has 8 td's for the season.  Drew Breesus (praise Breesus) has like 20.  That's all I'm going to say about this team because I don't believe in kicking a horse too hard when it's down. 


Other teams to note:
Miami Dolphins
          There's some scandal going on with this team involving the dude named Incognito that I referenced in the previous post about the Saints v Dolphins.  Apparently this guy was bullying some other team member into the equivalent of giving him his lunch money (by NFL standards that's 15k for a trip to Vegas).  First of all, your name is Incognito which ironically makes you the most conspicuous motherf-cker alive.   Second, what the hell are you doing bullying people for 15k?  Don't you sneeze 15k when you have a cold?  Damn man....

Redskins
           This is the local team so I have a lot of skins fans as friends.  This team single handedly breaks the hearts of 75% of my friend base.  My life would be a lot easier if they had a few more W's under their belts because everyone becomes a miserable SOB when they implode, which (I'm sorry guys) has been about every season since I was in second grade.  Shananahan's forehead looks like you could set a kayak down and row from side to side without touching a canyon wall.  STOP LOOKING SO SURPRISED.  It will help you look better. 

Chiefs
          Undefeated.  Who the F-CK saw that one coming?


Shit.  Sam's awake.  Act cool...

Mommeh....you will pay for your free time....in 3....2....1.....

.......................I gotta go