Cleveland Browns: A "professional" American Football Franchise

First of all the Browns mascot is freaking frightening.  As someone who has an unnaturally elevated concern regarding elves of any kind, the Cleveland Brown as I am assuming it's call sign is looks quite suspect.  Take a look for yourself:

See what I mean?  In pure Creep-tastic Chucky-Doll-like fashion this thing's name -  I shit you not -  is Chomps.  I can't even think about what chomping, elves, and the color brown have to do with each other enough to necessitate and explain a mascot. 

In other news, it's important to first note that despite drafting someone who is okay with the name "Johnny Football", the Browns have been known to pull a few surprises with the Saints in the past few years.  I think its because they have the same natural reaction that anyone does regarding the Cleveland Browns, that being, "Oh ok, should be an easy 60 minutes".  And sometimes as we find out, people are wrong.  They can win games.  Against good teams.  So its best not to underestimate their elven-like ways and go in knowing the enemy.  The short, creepy, oddly named, pointy-shoed enemy....

Speaking of odd names, a roster review would produce a player who's first name is Barkevious.  A Louisiana gentleman (explains the name) graduated from LSU and seems to be the only Barkevious google-able (at least for the first half page I scrolled down).  He looks pretty diesel so I'm guessing we'll be seeing this guy make some plays.  I look forward to hearing the announcers attempt to pronounce his name.  Buuut I also look forward to Ingram and Colston getting past him so easily they could swear he prepped for a KY wrestling match and not an NFL football game.  Josh Gordon won't be an issue since he got suspended by the Commish for 10 games regarding some drug use something or other.  Shoulda just hit his girlfriend......He'd have been back in time for the game assuming that there wasn't video of it obtained by TMZ!  Like I wish the Saints could have used the same excuse Goodell is using now which is basically the equivalent of the Clinton Defense of, "Evidence?  I....I didn't know that existed, but now that I know that it does, my lack of knowledge of such evidence equates to be basically not knowing about this situation at all so..... here we are, lets move on and act like this never happened, I did the right thing eventually which should mean that I did the right thing in the first place, k thxbye, go America".

The QB sitch is a dude named Hoyer from Michigan State, no idea who he is.  Second runner up is Manziel which according to Shenanihanigan Junior will only play if Hoyer gets injured.  So that's the Browns. 

Aaaand on to the Saints -

Our depth chart is freaking bonkers.  For our running backs, we've got 4 deep - third in line is PT.  THIRD.   If the amazeballs-ness of PT is what we consider third best, holy shit. I have a love/hate/love relationship in my head with Ingram.  He's worth his weight and salary, but when he screws up, he screws up. He's the guy that you don't ever count on to make a long run, but in those 3 and shorts or god forbid 4th and shorts, he's your man.  He's the Sherman Tank of running backs whereas Robinson is our Maserati.  PT should be equated to our BMW 3 series - tried and true, but doesn't do well in certain conditions and can really mess up your life if you're depending on it as your sole source of getting from point A to point B.  Cadet is the Kawasaki Ninja motorcycle that you take out once in awhile and look super cool but have to be careful about overuse. 

Colston, Toon, and Cooks are my fave wide recievers going on right now because they get shit done.  That and the names Toon and Cooks are just kinda cool.  These three guys are the football equivalent of Navy Seals crossing enemy lines and face-palming the defensive forces while they go America (Saints) all over everybody.

Drew Breesus (featured below) doing some sort of blessing/miracle-ing...

 

 



I have the faith that Breesus will find his receivers and running backs like inmates find Jesus in prison (it seems like they just always do).  I also trust that as sure as my son is adorable (and that's pretty f-ing sure take a freakin' look):

 that the Saints defense, led by Gandalf himself will stop any attempts by the Browns to make too many if any scores. All this being said, the dictator featured above is due to wake any moment now and I must make haste and by haste I mean his lunch before I have the baby version of a Chernobyl meltdown on my hands. 

Geaux Saints and bless you boys - PS.  It's been awhile, but I almost got in an serious argument with someone (the person's relationship to me may or may not rhyme with "Shmee-on-say") about the Saints being/meaning more than just football.  The discussion ended well, so I can say that it was refreshing to know that I still feel the same way about the Saints.  Had it not, due to pregnancy hormones, its possible I could have written this while finding Jesus....